Things I thought today

Here are three things I’ve thought about today in a condensed, easy to read version: 

Porn star wish lists

What is this?  Why is this relevant?  Who wants to buy a porn star gifts?  I understand that people are fans of a certain porn star because they’ve seen them more naked than any sex doll they currently own.  But buying someone gifts because you liked their work in that orgy scene seems a little excessive.  Maybe I’m just old fashioned.

There is a website dedicated to this whole phenomena:  While it’s a highly original domain name, I checked it out to see what a regular porn star wishes for.  What I found was way more surprising than I could’ve expected.  I picked a random performer (Amber Ashlee) and here are some things I saw on her wish list:

  • Ravelli AVTP Professional 75mm Video Camera Tripod with Fluid Drag Head by Ravelli – $119.89
  • 1/2 CT Princess Cut Blue Diamond Stud Earrings 14k White Gold by FineDiamonds9 – $750.00 $299.99
  • Baume & Mercier Women’s 8681 Hampton Mini Diamond Watch by Baume & Mercier – $3,690.00 $1,595.00
  • Sony Professional HVR-A1U CMOS High Definition Camcorder with 10x Optical Zoom by Sony – $1,928.89

Listen: I realize this is a wish list, and it’s full of things that she’s wishing she had, but considering I’ve never ever heard of Amber Ashlee, or couldn’t pick her out of a lineup if they were about the chop my arms off, I think that this wish list is a little excessive.

All it takes is one creepy guy who gets so excited at the idea of making Amber Ashlee happy that he buys her those three hundred dollar earrings and keeps digging that pit in his basement he’s eventually going to keep her in .  I also don’t know if the porn stars find out who bought them what gifts, but if they don’t than that’s pretty depressing for the gift giver.   If I spent three hundred dollars on someone, and they had no idea I did, I’d be furious.  Not because I want the glory associated with awesome gift giving but because I want that person to know that the next time they buy me a gift they owe me something of at least equal value.

And even if Amber finds out who buys her a gift, she’s not going to do anything more than reply with a signed picture and a half hearted thank you.  In all, I hate this idea of buying porn stars gifts.  I’d rather spend my money on much more useful things I could actually use: video games, electronics, and funny t-shirts that reference famous movies.

I guess that’s my density

Melky Cabrera suspended

San Fransisco Giant’s outfielder, and All-Star MVP, Melky Cabrera just got busted for fifty games after he tested positive for testosterone.  By itself, this isn’t a huge issue.  But if you consider that he was the All-Star game MVP, and the All-Star game determines home field advantage for the World Series, this becomes a way more important.  I wouldn’t be surprised if the American League tries to appeal somehow, or claim that the result of the All-Star game was a fluke (even though the AL lost by an excessive margin).

I think this should address a bigger issue, though, and that is how stupid it is that an exhibition game where players can choose not to participate determines home field advantage for the World Series.  Whatever happened to letting the team with the best overall record determine home field advantage?  How it stands now is if your team goes 162-0 but loses the All-Star game than they have to be the visitors.  Isn’t there something fundamentally flawed about that?  All because some pitcher from a last place team gives up a homerun in the 9th inning of the All-Star game, your perfect season plays second fiddle to the team that squeaked into the playoffs beating sub .500 teams.

But, of course, I’m asking the MLB to do something that makes sense after they let an All-Star game end in a tie.  And, in that same vein, the whole reason Cabrera’s suspension is even relevant right now is because the MLB let the game end in a tie.  So, really, this is MLB’s fault that Melky Cabrera getting suspended is going to question the validity of a game that has no validity.

Work Lottery Pools

I hate them.  I hate them with the white hot intensity of a thousand burning suns.  Throwing in five dollars to play the work lottery pool isn’t a big deal when it happens rarely.  But lately, whenever the lottery pots start getting huge, everyone wants to start playing every drawing.  I can’t handle playing every drawing.  I’m not a man made of money.  But I’m forced to keep playing every time.  The only reason I keep playing?  Because if I don’t play, and the entire office wins, I would have no other choice but to commit ritualistic Japanese suicide.

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