Subjective 2015-2016 Pre-Season Review of the Flyers Offense

[AUTHOR’S NOTE: This was written for The Broad Street Bully, a blog and podcast my friend Drew and I started based off of our mutual interest in the Philadelphia Flyers. See it on http://broadstreetbully.net.]

I went on the Flyers website and used the roster section to get a list of the forwards currently on the team. Then, I pasted that list here and provided my subjective commentary on each Flyers player.

My disclaimer: These are all my personal opinions. Please don’t take them for fact.  Also, please don’t think they’ll be helpful.  As a rule of thumb, I realize I’m not good enough to play at the NHL level. As such, everything I say should be mostly ignored.  Arm chair quarterbacking is way easier when you don’t have to actually play at the NHL level.

With that out of the way, here’s my rundown of the Flyers forwards:

Pierre-Edouard Bellemare

The guy can kill penalties. He also did a little bit of scoring. There could be worse third and fourth line guys, I guess. Do the Flyers have a lot better? Non.

Sean Couturier

He made all that money. The Flyers expect him to start scoring. Otherwise, they’ll probably do something like trade him to Carolina for Keith Primeau.  Then he’ll prove that he’s a suitable team captain candidate, in addition to winning a Stanley Cup.  Or, as the Flyers call it, “the usual”.

Radel Fazleev

He just signed an entry level deal this summer. So the Flyers intend on at least burying him in the AHL if he doesn’t pan out in the NHL. Hey, they’re taking a chance on him!

Sam Gagner

The Coyotes demanded the Flyers take Gagner and they would take Pronger’s contract. I have no idea if that’s true but I’d like to think that’s what the bargaining was like. He plays. He scores goals? Sure!

Claude Giroux

Swoon.

Tyrell Goulbourne

Bring him up at Halloween and then make the nameplate on his jersey read “Ghoulborne”. He’ll become a Flyers legend.

Travis Konecy

Do they rush him out of camp? Force him to go right into the NHL? It’s not like the Flyers offense is super impressive right now outside of Giroux and Voracek. If he shows he can skate, maybe he will crack the lineup. At least for a couple games so Hextall can decide if the Flyers are going to send him down to Juniors.

Vincent Lecavalier

Sigh.

Aaron Palushaj

He’s back from the KHL and signed a two way deal with the Flyers. Expect him to be called “The Elevator” as he might be going up and down.

Michael Raffl

Raffl can skate. And he can score. But he can’t stay healthy, I think. He seemed to miss a lot of time last season. But they were running him on Giroux and Voracek’s wing. If he’s not going to score, he needs to at least look good doing it so the Flyers can more easily trade him.

Matt Read

See above.

Brayden Schenn

He either earns a contract this year or earns a ticket out of town. Hextall appears to have decided to let Brayden determine what his future with the Flyers is.

Wayne Simmonds

Wayne Simmonds was a bright spot last season. If he keeps up his level of play this year then Flyers fans will continue not missing Scott Hartnell.

R.J. Umberger

Umberger is 33. Which means if he retires now his contract doesn’t saddle the Flyers. Maybe Hextall asks him to take one for the team?

Chris VandeVelde

Just signed a new deal and the Hakstol is his old coach? This guy had the stars align for him this year.

Jakub Voracek

If Voracek continues his upward trend, expect him to lead the league in scoring this year while also carrying the Flyers on his, and Giroux’s, shoulders for the next five to six years.

Ryan White

Ryan White signed his deal this summer, too. And Hakstol will like his play. He’s like VandeVelde but better at punching people.

Nicolas Aube-Kubel, Cole Bardreau, Tim Brent, Chris Conner, Taylor Leier, Danick Martel, Derek Mathers, Colin Macdonald, Chris Porter

I didn’t play NHL last year because the Xbox One version was hot trash, wrapped in a baby diaper, smeared with Indian food, and then lit of fire with burnt hair as the kindling. I have no idea about their ratings, what their trade value is, or a lot about them in general. I have no strong opinions on any of these guys.

I’m sorry you had to read all that.

If you made it this far, I’ll include the Flyers’ goalies for you as a bonus.

Jason Labarbera

My hope it that he retires a member of the Flyers and opens up a hair cut place called “La Barber Shop” where all the employees are called “La Barbers”.

Steve Mason

Steve Mason will continue playing superbly and then being completely under appreciated by the Flyers fans and the national media.

Michal Neuvirth

Ray Emery’s hip was questionable.  Michal Neuvirth’s career is questionable.  But at least he’s younger.  And didn’t have hip surgery where doctors thought he’d never play again.  Bonus!

Now, after all that, who isn’t excited for this new Flyers’ season?

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