[AUTHOR’S NOTE: This was written for The Broad Street Bully, a blog and podcast my friend Drew and I started based off of our mutual interest in the Philadelphia Flyers. See it on http://broadstreetbully.net.]
With the recent release of the Canadian Postal Service’s “Game Savers” stamp set, Bernie Parent, along with five other former NHL goalies, were honored for their superb play and overall importance to the game of hockey. And the company he is in is nothing to sneeze at. The other five goalies in the set? Gump Worsley, Tony Esposito, Johnny Bower, Ken Dryden, and Martin Brodeur. If the names don’t look familiar to you, then hit Wikipedia and you’ll understand what an honor this is for Parent.
And this got me thinking. What if there were stamp sets created specifically for the Flyers? Who would be honored? It would mostly depend on what kind of collections we’re trying to make.
Let’s run down the list of potential stamp collections and which players could be in them.
The “I Can’t Close My Legs” Collection: Former Flyers goalie Michael Leighton is honored on this stamp for the backbreaking Patrick Kane goal that led the Blackhawks to their 2010 Stanley Cup. The stamp is a picture where you can see crying Flyers fans between his legs. Randomly, Sharon Stone is on the only other stamp in the set.
The “Overpriced” Collection: Current Flyers Vinny Lecavalier, R.J. Umberger, Andy MacDonald, and former Flyer Scott Hartnell headline this collection. The thing about these stamps is that, if they would regularly cost you .48 cents, you’ll end up paying $5.00 for them And then you’ll end up being disappointed with your purchase until you find somebody to give you $2.00 for them when they’re really in a pinch and really need to mail something. Honorable mention to Jody Shelley.
The “Mashed Potato” Collection: Former Flyers Eric Lindros, Keith Primeau, Chris Pronger, and Ian Laperriere get their time to shine in this collection. If you haven’t put two and two together yet, the collection is called this because their brains are mashed potatoes.
The “I Love The Flyers but Not Really” Collection: The set only includes Jeremy Roenick. Because he talks about how much he loves the Flyers but bawled like a fat girl on prom night when the Blackhawks beat them in 2010 to win the Cup. No one in Philly has forgiven you yet, JR. That made me like Mike Milbury more. Do you understand what you did?
The “What Could Have Been” Collection: Early 90’s Peter Forsberg, Justin Williams, and Patrick Sharp are three headliners of this set. These stamps are special in that you get them for free and then, five years down the line, they’re easily worth the cost of 4 stamps and they’ll all have a Stanley Cup. But you can’t use them.
The “Goalie” Collection: Former Flyers Jeff Hackett, Roman Cechmanek, Robert Esche, Garth Snow, post being good John Vanbiesbrouck, Brian Boucher, Ilya Bryzgalov. You get the point. All these stamps are only worth 1 cent. Just like the players’ real NHL value!
The “Disappointment” Collection: It’s just the Flyers team photos from 1976, 1980, 1985, 1987, 1997 and 2010. That’s every team that made it to the Stanley Cup finals and found a way to lose. Honorable mention to the 2004 Flyers, who didn’t make it to the finals but still decided to rip everyone’s hearts out.
The “Oh Yeah, That Guy” Collection: Former Flyers Trent Klatt, Patrick Thoreson, Lasse Kukkonen, Radovan Somik, and so on. Whoever buys these stamps will quickly forget about them as soon as they lose sight of them.
The “Flyers Who Had Too Much Responsibility, Then Went To Another Team and Had None, and That Was A Good Call” Collection: The whole set is Mike Richards and Jeff Carter partying at various sorority houses in Philadelphia.
The “Plays 5 Positions Guy” Collection: All Sami Kapanen. All the time.
The “That’s A Shame” Collection: Maxime Ouellet, Alexandre Daigle, Pavel Brendl, etc. All players that were supposed to be great additions to the Flyers but ended up being terrible. Now that’s a shame.
The “Hackin’ Hextall” Collection: The stamps, when put together in a flipbook, show Hextall going full axe swing to the back of Kent Nilsson’s legs.
The “Suspenders” Collection: Former Flyers Jessie Boulerice, Dan Carcillo, and Zac Rinaldo headline a collection of players who love getting suspensions. And being terrible at everything.
The “I Fornicated With Your Wife (Allegedly)” Collection: Rumors abound in this collection as Eric Lindros and Jeff Carter flex with their shirts off and take center stage for fornicating with Brind’Amour’s and Hartnell’s wife (allegedly).
I hope that people take these potential stamp collections seriously and we can get some Flyers related stamps that will turn into very expensive collectors items. I feel like stamps are already collectors items, anyway.
Who still physically mails things? Seriously, Canada?