[AUTHOR’S NOTE: This was written for The Broad Street Bully, a blog and podcast my friend Drew and I started based off of our mutual interest in the Philadelphia Flyers. See it on http://broadstreetbully.net.]
DREW’S ALL TIME FLYERS CENTER: Keith Primeau
Meh, since Lindros was already picked then I guess I’ll take another Flyers center who didn’t know how to skate with his head up. Or avoid concussions. Or both. Keith Primeau is known for two things: that famous overtime goal against the Penguins and getting traded for Brind’Amour and then having his brain explode so he couldn’t play any longer. I once saw a guy wearing a Keith Primeau jersey. I asked him what he paid for it and he said a homeless man gave it to him. Not even homeless people want that jersey.
DOYLE’S ALL TIME FLYERS CENTER: Bob Clarke
Like I’d pick anyone else. Bob Clarke had diabetes. I have diabetes. I honestly thought when Drew and Jeff asked me to be on the show that BSB stood for “Blood Sugar Buddies”.
DREW’S ALL TIME FLYERS RIGHT WING: Trent Klatt
He arose with such a Klatter. Good old Trent Klatt. A Flyers staple. Was he very good? Does anybody really remember how he played or just his name? I’m banking on the latter. That’s why I picked him. His name would fit into some pretty cool 90s phrases like “THAT’S PHAT, KLATT!” Everyone used the “PH” version of fat because it was cool. Like Trent Klatt. You can see why I picked him.
DOYLE’S ALL TIME FLYERS RIGHT WING: Gary Dornhoefer
I don’t remember a lot of Gary Dornhoefer’s playing career but that’s ok because he doesn’t either. I mostly remember Dornhoefer from his rambling through the play by play on television. You know, until they forcibly removed him because he stopped making any sense. At least, that’s what I think I happened. I don’t know for sure why he left the broadcast both but I’m assuming him and Steve Coates met similar fates. However, Coates got banished to YouTube and Dornhoefer is either a team ambassador or working as a barista in a Florida Starbucks. All the old people work in Starbucks in Florida. It’s ridiculous.
DREW’S ALL TIME FLYERS LEFT WING: Ben Eager
Ben Eager. That’s a name that Flyers fans won’t soon forget. Remember when he walked down the wing as a member of the Blackhawks and blasted a slapshot past Leighton? It’s that kind of cannon shot that made him such an enticing piece of trade bait. So the Flyers inevitably traded him to somewhere (maybe the Blackhawks directly?) and they got something back in return (too lazy to do the research). And they lost Ben Eager forever to the routes of Patrick Sharp and Justin Williams. Anyway, he has his name on at least one Stanley Cup so he’s already better than Claude Giroux.
DOYLE’S ALL TIME FLYERS LEFT WING: Patrick Thoreson
Dude. The guy sacrificed his testicle to block a shot. Much respect. I wouldn’t throw my balls on the line in that situation. Even if I was wearing a cup. Which he was. So, I guess when you think about it, it wasn’t really that much of a sacrifice. Is Patrick Thoreson even that great then? I’ve made it too far into this now to go back and pick another one so I guess I’m just going to stick with him. Patrick Thoreson: the guy who got hit in the balls with a slapshot and the referees didn’t even think it was that important that they should stop the game to get him off the ice.
DREW’S ALL TIME FLYERS DEFENSEMAN 1: Kurtis Foster
Foster makes the list because of the superb nickname we gave him from when he was with the team. Granted, “Australian for Beer” never really took a solid foot hold anywhere but I still liked it. Everyone knows that it relates to the beer Foster’s. Whatever happened to these commercials? It would be one dude in a shower and it would say “Shower”. And then it would show a dude in a hurricane, holding soap, and it would say “Australian for Shower”. Right? Or am I wrong? Whatever.
DOYLE’S ALL TIME FLYERS DEFENSEMAN 1: Mike Rathje
Mike Rathje once scored a goal with less than a second left. That was pretty great. He also got paid a lot of money to do literally nothing. That was pretty great, as well. I think the best part about Mike Rathje was that if he was ever driving home, crashed his car on a snowy road, and someone was able to rescue him and nurse him back to health while simultaneously kidnapping him, that the kidnapper would never have to break his ankles to hobble him because Rathje already moves super slow as it is.
DREW’S ALL TIME FLYERS DEFENSEMAN 2: John Stevens
I like average players who go on to be average head coaches. John Stevens is the epitome of that last sentence. He’s since found success as an assistant coach in Los Angeles and even has a Stanley Cup. He came oh so close to winning one in Philadelphia. Or he didn’t. As a player or a coach. Because his average talent was wasted on subpar teams.
DOYLE’S ALL TIME FLYERS DEFESEMAN 2: Andy Delmore
He had a hat trick in the playoffs. That’s pretty great. So, he has that to his name. And his playing career. Which was good. I guess. Beats me, man. I tapped out after that playoff hat trick. He’s got his name in the hat trick wall at the Wells Fargo Center and he’ll forever be remembered for something he did as a Flyer. Which is better than Derian Hatcher.
DREW’S ALL TIME FLYERS GOALIE: Pelle Lindbergh
I had a lot of ideas flowing through my head but then I hit a mental roadblock. After that, picking Pelle Lindbergh seemed like fate.
DOYLE’S ALL TIME FLYERS GOALIE: Jeff Hackett
His name is Jeff. And Jeff is probably the best part of the podcast with his hilarious jokes, insights, and nicknames for players (#Neuvyring).
If anyone can’t tell, Drew and Doyle never sent me anything so I took it upon myself to complete their all time lines.
Thanks for reading, everyone.